Courtship Duration

Courtship, a word described by the Wikipedia as a period in a couple’s relationship that precedes their engagement and Marriage.  It goes on to say that “During courtship a couple decides if there is going to be an engagement”. So from my understanding, Courtship is the process where persons involved in a romantic relationship give themselves a chance to get to know one another with the intention of marrying. 

So still in my head, the difference between dating and courtship will then be that in dating, the lady is thinking, do I even like this person, is he worth my time? What can I find out about him? Am I even attracted to this person? (there is a sense of distrust, not sure/certain about the man and how she can relate well with him.) While in courtship she has gained some trust in him. She is thinking, if push comes to shove, can I marry this man? Will he make a good husband/father? What kind of life am I likely to have with this man? Do I love him enough to be submissive to him for life? The problem seems to be that in our world today dating and courting are used interchangeably.

Now the big question is how long should courtship last before marriage? This article does not intend to answer the questions but rather open our minds to the many theories surrounding it. In my few years of life, I have heard (just like you) so many theories/perspective about courtship and marriage. 

Years ago, I remember a “big girl” having this conversation somewhere and she said “it is good to date (court) the guy for at least a year, so that you can see his person in all the seasons, winter, summer, dry season, rainy season, harmattan season” (depending on what you call it). Other theories are “You no fit know person finish”, “You can never really know a guy until you sleep and wake up with the same person for a while”, “You have to court for at least 2 years to know the person”, “No need to rush into marriage, take your time”.

Like always I have few questions and an opinion. If it is true and a fact that you can never  know a person 100% (as knowing a person is a continuous thing in Marriage) until you both are now leaving together, then why court or date for so long? What more are you going to find out? I have heard of people who dated for 8years, got married and divorced just after 2years. If one of the theories mentioned about is correct, then after eight years together, they should be able to tell each other like time and walking into the marriage should be as easy as ABC. Don’t get me wrong, I do not advocate for marriage at first sight. Of course there are questions that needs to be asked, behaviors that needs to be observed, but sincerely do you really need two years to find that out? What if after the 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7…..years, one of the parties involved decides to walk out on the relationship? What happens to all the wasted years? I rest my case.

What do you beautiful blog readers think? How many years did you court your spouse (if you have one)? How much time do you suggest as appropriate for courtship?