Why Settle?


One day, Christine listened to a conversation between Amah and her male visitor. Apparently, they were friends who hadn’t seen each other in a while. So he came to visit. Here are some of the things he said to her “you this small girl …..” “so you have not outgrown this your low self-esteem self” (because she wouldn’t go visit him), “abeg go, razz girl always forming something” (because she spoke proper English) and all Amah could say was “see, I don’t even have time for you o”. Christine could hear the sound of embarrassment and hurt in Ama’s voice and the more she listened from the other room, the more she got upset but curious none-the-less. So She stepped into the sitting room only to be introduced to this cute guy. Yes he was cute but so what? She had had enough. The guy could see the disgust on her face and just like that he perceived he was no longer welcomed in the unfriendly atmosphere and left. “ah ah, Amah who is that one talking anyhow?”  Christine asked Amah. “don’t mind him, am already used to him and his bad mouth already” replied Amah. 

Fast forward to a couple of months later, “Christy, you remember that guy of the other day? We spoke on the phone today and he wanted to start that his yeye talk and I just told him off”, said Amah. “So why were you even tolerating him before?” asked Christine, “I don’t know, I guess I just got used to it and no longer bordered about how it made me feel” Amah replied. (Please note that I write from a female perspective and I actually believe that this situation can be vice versa. The gender role can be reversed).

The above scenario has got me thinking, why do we settle for abusive people in our lives? And I got my answer. We get so used to these people that we accommodate their abusive tendencies. Why do you think that women and men settle for partners who constantly abuse them physically, psychologically emotionally and sexually? Apart from the fear of being stalked and harmed by the said person, they have been in the situation for so long that they no longer see it as a problem. In other words, they “get used to it”. 

I do not think that anyone deserves to be abused in whatever form, at whatever level of relationships or friendships. I know with very close friends, jokes could go overboard but if it starts to hurt, then it becomes an abuse. If the spank starts to hurt, it is no longer fun. It becomes abuse. If it affects your self-esteem and lowers your morale, I dare say you should call him or her to order.  If your friend has made it his/her life goal to put you down, that person (father, mother, siblings, boyfriends, girlfriends, just friends, husband, wife) is no longer good for you. Cut or distance yourself from the person and make sure to ask for help.

I am itching to hear your opinions and experiences. Please share. You might be a tool for delivering someone from an abusive relationship.  

Comments

  1. Anonymous9 July 2015 at 13:13

    Just as it's said in the write up, low self esteem is a major determinate, the idea of "if I leave him/her, who's going to look at me now".... There was a story in the news sometime this year, of a lady who killed her husband in yenegoa, bayelsa state.... It was reported that the couple dated althrough their university days, and the girl was in the habit of beating the guy, and the guy ended up marrying that kind of person who eventually murdered him... what would we say would be the reason for anybody to settle for that...???

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